Four Walls – Tjoni J

365 days ago

My immune system died

I suddenly could handle no pets, dust, mould, chemicals, nor ¾ of my diet.

358 days ago

I hadn’t slept for a week

Body covered in phantom bites, needles, worms crawling under skin, and the tickle of butterfly wings playing at my face 24/7

335 days ago

Aside from an antihistamine induced coma.

I hadn’t slept for a month

320 days ago

I had tried 5 houses and was allergic to all of them

313 days ago

I closed my eyes at 2am screamed into the darkest corner of my soul, trying to escape the agony of embodiment

313 days ago

I had to hide the scissors from myself in the middle of the night as they looked like a good distraction

300 days ago

I thought I had found a clean home

– – – – –

298 days ago

I found it too was full of mould

– – – – –

270 days ago

I thought I had found a clean home

– – – – –

269 days ago

I found I was allergic to that too

– – – – –

60 days ago

I thought I had found a manageable home

– – – – –

58 days ago

That was not the case

– – – – –

30 days ago

I thought I had a brand new home

– – – – –

29 days ago

I found out I did not

– – – – –

10 days ago

I counted over 20 housing possibilities that were offered this year.

9 days ago

I moved back onto the street. Sick. Tired. Lonely. Afraid.

– – – – –

8 days ago

I felt like an outcast, scoping streets for hideaway spaces where I could remain inconspicuous

4 days ago

I decided to embrace living the urban Viking life and make it more manageable

– – – – –

46 hours ago

A conversation with a friend gave me permission to find pride in my life of freedom.

To not feel guilty for being strong and finding a new way to thrive, when the current paradigm had failed me.

Miserably.

– – – – –

37 hours ago

I began to see the beauty of living out here in the world, and realised that security breeds complacency. I am living outside the norm for an important reason, yet to be discovered

– – – – –

36 hours ago

I was renovating my little house on wheels at my sewing studio in the company of 4 co-renters that are really brothers

Happy, present. With you.

– – – – –

12 hours ago

I was singing and dancing to Tool and Devon Townsend while making brand new curtains.

My Saturday night was rocking.

68 minutes ago

I woke and stretched out lushly in my bedroom on the street only a few meters from your window. The tree that nestled into my windscreen also nudged your wall

– – – – –

60 minutes ago

We ran and stretched under the trees by the river and let ourselves fall into our bodies

– – – – –

45 minutes ago

You smiled and said my home was well organised as I had breakfast by my kitchen in the park

– – – – –

30 minutes ago

I sat with you in the sauna and shared another part of myself out loud

– – – – –

10 minutes ago

I showered next to you and smelt your shampoo in my bathroom at the pool

– – – – –

1 minute ago

I sat next to you for my morning coffee and we breathed the same air

Later

I will stand in your kitchen and make food with your family

– – – – –

Later

I will listen to the stories in the trees and let them fall into my notebook

– – – – –

Later

I will meet you on the dance floor of life

One of you

All of you

And now I know, my health didn’t crash without reason

It happened to send me out of the constructs of supposed security

So I can fall into the world

So I can see you in every room of my house

– – – – –

Now

I sit in my home, a busy main street that is my morning office

Surrounded by family I haven’t met yet

My home hasn’t gone, it’s walls have just fallen away

The sky is my roof, the road is my floor, and my door is always open

So I can let you in

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If you are interested in having Tjoni write a personal dreamscape or myth for your self or a project please get in touch by email at tjonij @ outlook.com . Many thanks.

http://tjoni.com/wordsmith/prose/